Tag Archives: life events

We should think before “returning to normal”

While I understand some people’s lives have not changed as the government has imposed lockdown, quarantine or social distancing measures because you continue to work on the frontline, many people have been afforded time and space to reflect on a pre and post covid-19 life and I have to say, I’ll be making some careful choices before rushing back to “life as usual” once the lockdown rules art lifted.

Some people’s lives changed over night while others have seen more gradual changes as employers have had to make difficult decisions each week as their income decreased over time; to be furloughed has become common parlance. Some are glad of the rest and try to see the silver lining while others struggle to makes ends meet and don’t know when, how or if things will ever get better. We’ve discovered children don’t need to be examined for them to continue into the next school year and actually, when it comes to it, being happy and healthy is more important than up-to-date book learning.

I’ve needed my GP more in the last month than I have done in the last year. Appointments have been available because, here in the UK, people who don’t need to see a doctor, are heeding the advice to protect the NHS. Surely, when this crisis is over, we should continue protecting the NHS? Why, pre-covid-19 were there people in A&E who didn’t need to be there? Don’t get me wrong, people who are having symptoms of life threatening emergencies, really should call for an ambulance.

I’m more connected to the people who matter in my life than I have been before. I’m not seeing them face-to-face and I want that to change but I’m connecting with some people on a daily (or near daily) basis and I like that.

People’s shopping habits give us food for thought… the initial panic caused by the unknown, when will the next trip be? And will the shelves be stocked next time? Were these actions selfish, greedy or anxiety driven?

Most people are now sharing positive changes in their shopping habits. A reduction in multi-trip shopping because people are reducing waste by using up left overs and making do with what’s in the house. People are finding locally sourced produce such as eggs and meat and having online groceries such as fruit, veg and store cupboard essentials delivered directly to their doors reducing travel. Shopping trips that are happening are less fraught because fewer people are permitted inside the shop at any one time, we’re standing back and giving each other space – surely this should have always been the case?

As soon as people realised they had more time they looked for ways they could help one another. Being community spirited should continue. Why did is take a global pandemic for me to get my neighbour’s as phone number? How come my neighbours didn’t know I played the saxophone until I played in the street as part of the Clap for the NHS on Thursdays? Why did it take such drastic measures for us to start to get to know one another?

I’ve discovered daily yoga, fresh air and being assertiveness are actually good for me. Previously I just thought they might be, since being given time and head space to actually try them, I’ve discovered it’s true! We’re all different, what’s now in your new daily routine that wasn’t before – why would you let that slip just because you wanted to “get back to normal”?

How many of us blindly accepted our daily commute but have miraculously found that it’s not actually necessary? Perhaps remote working has its draw backs but many people have found ways to make it work. A reduction in travel has reduced pollution to levels no one could have imagined. Our planet is breathing a sigh of relief.

Has there been another point in history when we’ve had daily press briefings and held the UK government to account every single day? They’re making the science accessible, answering our questions and they’re being clear about the guidance and why it’s in place.

It’s gutting that it’s taken a deadly virus to do it but mental-wellbeing is being spoken about everyday. It’s not ok that the suicide rate is increasing and no amount of money is going to resource the mental health services sufficiently but let’s keep raising the profile of mental well-being and keep checking on each other. Let’s make it a normal conversation. When you train in CPR, make mental health first aid a priority as well – it always should have been.

Are you longing for your “old life” through rose tinted spectacles? Perhaps you’re miss seeing people face to face, at the moment you’re being told “no” and that naturally makes you want to rebel but don’t make the mistake of thinking everything about “the good old days” was better…

On the 23rd March in the UK and on other dates across the world, we were forced to adopt a new normal by governments announcing lockdown measures to keep us safe. As the measures are gradually lifted, we can choose to adopt a newer, brighter normal as we bring together the best of both the old and the new.

We can choose to hug people when we see them but also stay connected in between. We can choose to shop efficiently, not give into greed, continue to source local produce and ask our neighbours if we can shop for them when we’re going. Where we need to go back to previous ways of living, can we find compromise?

Who would have thought about broadcasting weekly church services on YouTube? Faith communities are reaching beyond their building walls like never before and although returning to gathered fellowship will be cause for massive celebration let’s not lose what we’ve gained from being forced to church technologically. How can we have the best from both worlds?!

For many, there’ll be financial consequences for years to come. There are many who have no choice, they can’t go back to life pre-Covid-19 due to bereavement, redundancy or other life event. Are there choices we can make as we find our new normal that will benefit anyone less fortunate than ourselves?

If everything about your old life suits you better and that’s what you want to return to and you can, that’s your call but I just ask that you make an active decision and don’t just go back to it mindlessly without thinking carefully about the true implications.

Talking is key

So sorry I’ve not published a blog for a long time. Basically I’ve moved house and I’ve changed jobs – 2 of the most stressful things anyone can do!
It’s blogging that appears to have taken a back seat, not a conscious decision but none the less, it’s happened and I’m now working to rectify this!
My job change has only been to a different department within the same hospital but there have been a lot of changes, not least a massive change in hours. I have been used to working shifts which, although you can’t form a routine, there are huge benefits, for example, having time off during the week! I was working 3 long days (out of the house before 7am, home after 8pm), but this would mean I had 4 days off a week! In my new job, I work 8-4, 5 days a week, great if you like a regular routine but I’ve lost a lot – commuting an extra 2 days per week stole 2 hours of my life and in admin, you get 1/2 hour unpaid lunches, another 2.5 hours taken from my week!
Other changes, of course, include working with different people, managing a very different style of work, managing my own work load and prioritising. I’m also working in an office for the first time and I’m experiencing some, apparently normal, office culture, such as an ongoing conversation about food, weight and dieting!
The stress of moving house is immense, the physical moving went pretty well but there’s so much paperwork involved and money, a lot of money!! It’s mostly over but I’m still working my way through the infinite list of people who need to know my change of address, and decorating and DIY have become an ongoing fixture in my life!

It’s a very confusing time as these positive events happen, I ‘should’ feel happy but it’s important to acknowledge what’s been lost and no matter how positive the change is, everyone finds change difficult.
Managing these life events a few years ago, I would definitely have needed time of work and there’s a high chance I would have ended up in hospital.

The last few months have been highly stressful BUT, I have remind relatively health and not ended up in hospital!
So what’s changed?!
I think the title of this blog says it in one! I now talk about how I’m feeling, about what I’m thinking and about what I’m struggling with. Previously, I have not had the language or emotional understanding to explain the knot in my stomach is related to anxiety or that the tension in my shoulders, causing migraines is related to worries I don’t know how to solve.
Often it’s difficult to know how to start talking but my husband and I find a good start is “I don’t know what’s going on but…” or simply “can we talk about…” the conversation then moves naturally from there even if it’s in a stop-start way, we manage to talk about anything and everything! Although we like to solve each other’s problems, we’ve learnt that ‘just’ listening is often what we want from each other, but we do have to remind each other that’s what we want – we don’t expect each other to mind read!

When trying to talk, it’s ok to say “I don’t know how I feel” or “it just doesn’t feel right”. Not every conversation has to go all deep and meaningful, it’s ok to not have the exact words but it’s important to say that. Starting to talk is the hardest thing but expressing our thoughts and feelings is important, no matter how jumbled it is, not just for our own mental wellbeing but for the good of our relationships.
I snapped at a colleague the other day, not like me at all! But, I took a deep breath and apologised. I didn’t need to poor my heart out to her, I just said “I’m sorry, I’m stressed about other stuff and I didn’t mean to take it out on you” I felt better for having said what was going on for me and the mood in the room lightened immediately.
It’s best not to take our stresses out on others people but sometimes this is inevitable, if we spend a lot of time around someone, they’ll get the sharp end sometimes. But emotional intellect is about being about to take responsibility for our feelings, for our actions and how we impact others. Apologies may be hard but being honest about our feeling helps mould healthy relationships (and helps you move on from unhealthy ones).
Today is Time to Talk Day with Time to Change. Let’s use this as a opportunity to, not only raise awareness of mental illness, but also to forge more honest, deeper, healthier, more meaningful relationships by talking about what really matters to us!