Tag Archives: autism awareness

diagnosis written on screen by person in a white coat

Autism—What’s in a diagnosis? Is finding a community more important?

In a previous blog I was explicit about what criteria had to be met in order for someone to be diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD). In this blog I’m looking at what a late diagnosis can mean—we’re a group of people who have developed a sense of self without being categorised as autistic:

All I ever wanted was to be normal, now I realised I am, neurodivergent is normal!

This can bring with it all sorts of pros and cons, a sense of relief as well as fear of discrimination. Add to that the idea that this diagnostic label could be applied formally or informally and there’s a big decision to be made.

In different countries the barriers to getting a diagnosis are varied. In the UK, although the process is free at point of delivery (which I don’t deny is fantastic) there are multiple barriers. Initially, it maybe difficult to find an understanding GP; there are still GPs with misconceptions, for example, I’ve heard people get turned away because they were able to make eye contact with their GP. Once the GP has made the referral, the waiting list at the local assessment service is likely to be years.

In most countries a huge barrier to diagnosis is cost. Some adults in the UK will choose to have a private assessment because they simply cannot wait for an NHS assessment. The challenge, when paying for a private diagnosis, will be finding a diagnostician, you can afford, who’s skilled in diagnosing adults. In America the cost can be $1600-$3500 (£1202-£2630) which is rarely covered by insurance.

In the UK, the Equality Act is in place (as an attempt) to ensure people with autism (and all other disabilities/protected characteristics) are treated fairly and without prejudice or discrimination. You do not need a formal diagnosis to be covered by the act. This means, (for example) employers and service providers should put reasonable adjustments in place so that the workplace is accessible and inclusive and you shouldn’t be subjected to bullying, harassment or discrimination because of your difference.

Once you’ve had the realisation that autism is the missing puzzle piece you’ve been searching for, it can be such a relief! So, is a professional diagnosis really necessary? For many in the autism community it simply isn’t needed. There are a variety of groups on social media for people going through the process of understanding what autism means for them as a adult. Neurodiversity is wide ranging and everyone’s experience is different. No-one’s checking if you’ve got a membership card! If you feel this is where you fit, we’re ok with that.

In Australia, this person is seeing a psychologist, they spoke about a possible diagnosis of Asperger’s a few years ago:

I have what’s called a preliminary diagnosis, which means that, in [my psychologist’s] professional opinion, if we went through the process, the answer would be “yes”, and that was good enough for me.

P (Australia)

It’s great that they’re getting the support they need without the need for a “formal” diagnosis. No one in the autism community gives it a second thought whether you’ve got a formal diagnosis, a preliminary diagnosis or are self-diagnosed. Everyone goes through different assessment processes anyway:

Therapist with client

I question whether I have a legitimate ASD diagnosis because my therapist wrote a letter stating so after several visits but I never went through the formal testing that I keep hearing about.

Tom (Canada)

Although autism is a genetic disorder there isn’t a blood test or any genetic screening that can be performed (yet); the assessment process can feel a bit informal to some. The “formal testing” Tom described could be the Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule (ADOS) but this has been shown to be ineffective in adults, especially females. The Diagnostic Interview for Social and Communication Disorders (DISCO) is more effective in adults, it is more discussion based. Adults go through all sorts of different assessments, some are a couple of hours, others a full day, others happen over several weeks (perhaps to help gain a more rounded picture of the client). Some involve filling in questionnaires and discussion while others may only be discussion based with one or multiple clinicians.

A few tool people might find interesting/helpful if they’re not sure about self-diagnosis include the Autism Spectrum Quotient, Ritvo Autism Asperger Diagnostic Scale-Revised (RAADS-R) and this list has been put together by Tania Marshall regarding atypical traits seen in female adult. If you score highly in these “tests”, it doesn’t mean you have autism; they are purely tools that provide additional information for each of us as we learn more about ourselves.

I have an official diagnosis but, except my partner, no one else really believes I’m autistic… I’m fortunate that I now have a therapist but I’m not sure the diagnosis benefits me in any other way.

Lucy (America)

Whether you have a formal diagnosis or not, having to manage other people’s thoughts, feelings and expectations can be hard. There are pros and cons of going through the formal assessment process so it’s important that each person weighs these up for themselves.

The assessment process can be incredibly stressful, invalidating and may even negatively impact your sense of self, so if you don’t need to see a specialist, why put yourself through the stress?!

My GP was really helpful. She really listened to me then went through a set of questions, she confirmed my suspicions [that I’m autistic] and agreed to refer me for an official diagnosis but I really couldn’t cope with the stress of all that so I’m happy with my GP’s diagnosis.

Gemma (UK)

Gemma knows that she could go back to her GP at anytime and for a referral for a formal diagnosis but for the time being she’s content that her GP has agreed with her.

Some people would find it difficult to rely on a self-diagnosis for to a number of reasons including being confused by misdiagnosis, masking and lack of confidence in their own self awareness.

I’ve built my life on a foundation of masking, I’ve constantly altered things about myself that didn’t fit in. I don’t know who I am anymore. I’ve been diagnosed as bi-polar but that never felt right. If I mask so heavily, maybe that’s who I am but I’m desperate to unmask and see who am without the mask.

B (America)

Another benefit of going through the formal diagnostic process includes the impact on the autism community as a whole. The more people that receive an accurate diagnosis, the better the statistical landscape, the better educated people can be.

I’m still waiting for my formal diagnosis but I’m comfortable with the fact that those who know me well have had the same extraordinary light-bulb moments that I’ve had, my GP was very supportive and with my medical background and ability to research without bias, I’m very comfortable with understanding the criteria and have no doubt in my diagnosis.

For me, finding the autism community has been like arriving home. So much of my confusing life has fallen into place and is making sense. I’ve felt accepted and have heard experiences so similar to my own it’s been remarkable. If I had to pay for a formal diagnosis I’d certainly think twice about it, I’m incredibly grateful for the NHS but is it acceptable to wait 2 years for an assessment?!

Community wordle

World Mental Health Day–Mental Health for All

The theme for this year’s World Mental Health Day, October 10th 2020 is “Mental Health for All”. This is a great subject for this year as so many people are struggling with the current pandemic for all sorts of reasons.

The subject means something special for me as I’ve spent my life feeling like I’m different, I don’t fit in, I don’t know how to do the stuff other people do so easily and I don’t know why.

A little while ago, we realised why – I’m autistic.

This may come as a surprise to some who know me, or it may make perfect sense to others! To me, it’s really helped things fall into place.

Previous to this, lots of things didn’t make sense, I’d had long periods of mental illness and while I’d managed to carve a recovered life (with lots of support, medication and various therapies) I still really struggled with general life and it was difficult to understand why. Below are just a few examples of things I struggle with that are now explained by autistic traits. It’s important to remember that this is my experience and that this will not be typical for everyone on the spectrum.

  • I’m incredibly sensitive to sounds but had been putting this down to being “highly sensitive” and an extreme introvert. These labels helped to some extent but didn’t quite explain why I would find a noisy environment completely exhausting. My sense of smell and touch are also extraordinarily sensitive.
  • I have a very small number of close friends because I struggle to make and keep friends. A lot of people see a more “socially acceptable version” of me because I feel they would judge the real me.
  • I’m easy overwhelmed by misunderstandings and confused by unexpected situations. I know I have intelligence but sometimes feel I lack common sense–this isn’t true, it’s just how it feels. It’s been awful not knowing why I can’t see things the way other do.
  • Things sometimes get stuck on a loop in my head. Hyper-focus and an eye for detail can be seen as a positive thing but it’s felt negative when other people can move on. It’s not that I’m deliberately holding a grudge, it’s that things affect me more deeply than they do other people.Stone brain breaking apart with cogs inside
  • I’ve always understood that there are unwritten social rules but I’ve struggled to know what they are. As I’ve grown up I’ve managed to hide the fact that I don’t understand and I “laugh along” but I’m hiding (masking) a huge amount of confusion and anxiety.

As I came to terms with the diagnosis, I realised I’m actually not odd, weird or wrong, I’m just neurodivergent.

All this time, I’ve been desperately trying to be “normal” and I’ve suddenly discovered that I am!

However, learning that I’m on the spectrum has been a mixed blessing!

The downside of the diagnosis is that it comes with discrimination and stigma.

[People with] autism spectrum disorder…are more likely to experience mental health problems than the general population.

This can be because there are fewer resources…more negative life events, and [they] face stigma and discrimination from people and services… Biology and genetics may also increase the likelihood of developing a mental health problem.

Mind

If you read my most recent blog you will have seen that I experienced horrendous discrimination at the hands of an ex-employer. This was because I disclosed to my employer the difficulties I was having in relation to being autistic, particularly in relation to the social side of things. I liked to keep my work and social life separate. You won’t find me gossiping around the water cooler or taking an extended lunch break while I chat about my weekend with colleagues.

I can understand the theory behind those “water cooler moments”. I know bonding with work colleagues is important. Unfortunately, I’ve never liked doing it and now I’ve found out I’m autistic, I know why. I find these moments excruciatingly awkward and fatiguing and I simple don’t benefit from trying to socialise with my colleagues!

There were numerous ways they discriminated against me and the fact that I’m covered under the Equality Act made no difference to my ex-employer. When just getting up and going to work every day takes every ounce every energy you have, finding energy to fight for my rights was impossible.

Autistic adults who do not have a learning disability are 9 times more likely to die from suicide.

Autistica

As well as reasons in line with the general population such as difficult life events, feelings of hopelessness and physical or mental health conditions, people with autism also have additional difficulties that could lead to suicidal feelings:

  • Delays in receiving a diagnosis–from personal experience, struggling with feeling there’s something “wrong” but not knowing what it is feels incredibly difficult.
  • Difficulties accessing support–as with mental health services, poor resourcing means that adults with autism aren’t receiving the support they need.
  • High levels of unemployment–it’s very common for people with autism to be over-educated and under-employed, as I am.

People with autism are vulnerable because the way they communicate and interact with other people is different. They have difficulty communicating their thoughts and feelings and may not be able to communicate their suicidal thoughts in a way that someone else can understand. They may not even know that what’s going on inside them is “suicidal thoughts”. I spent years in mental health services being judged for “acting out” because I didn’t have the words to explain my feelings–it now makes sense, why it took me years to find the words.

I need to remember that no matter what label or diagnosis I may have, I’m still me and that will never change. Self-acceptance is an incredibly powerful gift. If you know me, don’t worry about treating me differently. With all our similarities and differences, something we all have in common is that we’re human and we’re all stumbling through life as best we can—this is something genuinely beautiful we can connect over no matter what else is going on in our lives.

A few things you might find interesting:

  • You say “autism” to most people and they think of “Rainman”, however the experience of autism is unique to every individual–Anthony Hopkins was diagnosed with autism in his 70s.”Anthony Hopkins
  • It is no longer thought to be “an extension of the male brain”–this is out-dated thinking.
  • We are not “all on the spectrum” or “all a little bit autistic”–some people may be able to relate to some of the traits but the spectrum is not linear with non-autistic (neuro-typical) at one end and seriously autistic at the other. Check out this video or this comic strip to learn a new way of thinking about the spectrum.
  • Functioning labels are unhelpful–you may observe people as high functioning because they can communicate verbally and may have “low” support needs but it is unhelpful to make a judgment about what their life is like behind closed doors.
  • Autism isn’t being over diagnosed–some people with autism (especially females) are particularly good at masking therefore are more likely to go undiagnosed. These people are now being recognised.

Thank you so much for reading this! It feels huge to be sharing. It’s hard to open up about something like this; having shared with a few people, I’ve had a very mixed reaction, from blatant discrimination to acceptance and loyalty.

I hope this will be the first of many blogs that walk the cross-over between mental health and autism.