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How to find the right counsellor for you

I’m currently training to be a counselling. As someone who’s also experienced “lying on the therapists couch” I thought I’d put some thoughts together for people who might be looking for a counsellor or therapist in these difficult times.

If you were looking for a doctor, you would make sure they were registered with the General Medical Council. Therefore you should make sure that your therapist/counsellor is a member of an organisation such as: BACP, UKCP or NCS* (or equivalent in other countries). The counselling/therapy profession isn’t currently fully regulated (that means anyone can call themselves a counsellor and isn’t breaking the law)…but by making sure that they’re a member of an organisation such as these, you’ll be getting a professional who:

  • Has achieved a substantial level of training (at least diploma level having undertaken 100 hours supervised placement hours etc)
  • Frequently undertakes continuous professional development
  • Adheres to a specific code of ethics (which can be found on each website)

You may wish to use a directory such as Counselling Directory to search for a verified, accredited counsellor/therapist. We have been incredibly fortunate that counselling has become more accessible recently, it’s now available online or on the phone, although there may be pros and cons, see this recent blog. There are specific platforms where this is all that’s offered so that it’s available across the world (e.g. Better Help and My Online Therapy). However, location may be a priority, should you wish to return to face-to-face counselling at some point. When browsing profiles a few red flags to beware of:

  • A counsellor who claims they deal with too many areas—some very experienced counsellors may have expertise in a number of areas but watch out for inexperienced counsellor’s who’re just trying to look more attractive.
  • Offering too many therapies—integrative is a type of therapy that is a specific way of blending therapies but being a specialist in more than about 4-5 therapeutic interventions means the therapist may not know the therapies in any depth. Also beware of the opposite—very specialist therapies claiming to cure-all are spinning you false hope!

Before you go to meet you counsellor/therapist, try to be clear with yourself what you want. For example, they don’t/shouldn’t diagnose or offer advice, the sorts of things you might achieve involve understanding yourself and why you repeat unhelpful patterns better and developing more helpful ways of coping with life’s ups and downs. It’s not up to them to decide what you need. During the introductory session, it’s important to find out if what you want and what they offer align.

Once you meet a therapist, you may think that feeling a sense of connection is the most important thing; while you’re not wrong there are some other important points to consider:

  • Do you trust them to keep the boundaries? These are the framework on which everything else hangs—they help you maintain trust and they’re where the work begins! For example, if the sessions always run over time, do you trust them to maintain confidentiality?
  • Will you be able to form a working alliance with this person? This is the relationship that exists between the counsellor and client that means they are able to work together in a judgment free zone towards shared goals. Do you understand how they work and will this help you?
  • Will this person challenge you? If you feel too comfortable with this person, if they’re too similar to you, it can be difficult to push yourself outside your comfort zone and make the changes that are needed.
  • Have you been able to ask all the questions you have? Do you know how much it’s going to cost? Are you signing up for a specific number of session or is it open ended? How will you be reviewing you progress?

Obviously you don’t want things to go wrong but if at any point you’re uncomfortable or wonder if they’ve behaved unethically, have they told you what to do? (Speak to them initially, then contact their membership body.)

Counselling/therapy can be hard but fantastically rewarding.

A life unexamined is not worth living—Socrates
  • *BACP = British Association for Counsellors and Psychotherapists
  • UKCP = UK Council for Psychotherapy
  • NCS = National Counselling Society

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